TRUE STORIES OF HEROES' BRAVE BATTLES

BRAVE SOUL OF JANUARY 2003: JAMES STERLING

This month we take you to a hospital just outside of New York, where James Sterling is still recovering from a traumatic experience that occurred over six years ago.

Darby: Mr. Sterling, thank you for taking time out of your day to talk with us. Can you tell us what you remember from that day, so long ago?

James: The horror! (crying)

D: I'm sorry?

J: People falling on each other-- scrambling, trying to get out.

D: Oh, you're talking about that day. I see. Don't let me stop you. Please, continue.

J: It was so dark. I don't think I can ever remember it being so dark.

D: So, you're saying it was dark?

J: The only light in the room was coming from the images of Hell itself.

D: Do you mean the room was lit by Hellfire?

J: There was water everywhere. How could it happen again?

D: So, now there was no fire? There was water?

J: I don't know what I was thinking. How could I have been so stupid?

D: So, there was fire?

J: Why couldn't they just get off the boat?!?

D: Oh, I see. You were on a boat that was on fire.

J: It just doesn't make sense!

D: No, it does now. You just lost me there at the beginning.

J: How could there be two? The madness! The madness!

D: You lost me again.

James started slamming his head against the wall, and I concluded that he was still too traumatized to continue on with the interview. So I decided to talk with his nurse, and see if she could shed any light on his tale.

D: Excuse me, Nurse? Could you tell me what happened to Mr. Sterling?

Nurse: Couldn't you tell?

D: No. I'm afraid he wasn't very clear.

N: None of them are these days.

D: Them?

N: The survivors. Mr. Sterling is one of 15 people to have survived watching Speed 2: Cruise Control.

D: Dear God!

N: Yes. I'm afraid we get a lot of that here.

D: You mean there are others?

N: Well, of course there are. We have an entire wing for the Schumacher films.

D: Those poor bastards.

N: I'm glad you’re writing this article on Mr. Sterling. We need to make the public aware that shitty movies are not just bad; they can also cause deep psychological damage.

D: Good to know.

N: Especially with that new Eddie Murphy movie coming out.

IF YOU HAVE A FEAT OF BRAVERY YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE, EMAIL DARBY AT DARBY@TLCHICKEN.COM