MARS, THE MILKY WAY - Last Tuesday the planet Mars begged the human race to leave it alone.

"Please, I mean, what did I ever do to you?" pleaded the Red Planet. "Can't you just keep fucking your own shit up? Why do you have to come in and fuck up my world? You don't see me coming down to Earth and stealing any of your fine bitches or anything like that, do you?"

Upon hearing of Mars' foul-mouthed plea to be left alone, President Bush labeled the planet a "terrorist", and accused it of hiding weapons of mass destruction and "...oil. That sweet, sweet nectar of the rich. Mmmm,.. oil."