PAUL FEIG
Interview and illustration by Jeremy Scott

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PAUL FEIG IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL HEROES. NOT ONLY HAS HE CREATED ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS IN RECENT MEMORY, FREAK AND GEEKS, BUT HE HAS ALSO BECOME THE CHAMPION OF GEEKS AND DORK-KIND ACROSS THE PLANET WITH HIS RECENT BOOK, SUPERSTUD: OR HOW I BECAME A 24-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN. I RECENTLY HAD A CHANCE TO CHAT WITH HIM ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, AND-- OF ALL THINGS-- MASTURBATION.

Jeremy Scott: Your website is really interesting.

Paul Feig: Oh, my old site.

JS: Yeah, itís really impressive.

PF: Thank you. Judd [Apatow] always said that was me when I had nothing to do, so I put all this crazy time into it. It was my fun outlet. The reason it hasnít been updated in a while is because I used Mac HomePage for it, which doesnít work anymore.

JS: Do you have a new site planned?

PF: No. Iím so bad with computers. I could only figure out that program, and I donít know how to upload new stuff. Iím an old-school geek.

JS: Yeah, but youíve got money now.

PF: Yeah, I know. But Iím also cheap.

JS: I enjoyed the Mr. Pool and Sabrina [the Teenage Witch] fan mail manifesto you wrote on your website, but I am sadly disappointed that I can never get an autographed photo of Mr. Pool.

PF: Well, Iíll send you one. I still do get email occasionally. Now itís more, "Do you know how to get a hold of Melissa Joan Hart?" Like Iím her intermediary.

JS: You mean you donít call her every day?

PF: Yeah, exactly. Of course, I couldnít be closer with her. She is very nice, though.

JS: (disappointed) So no bad stories to tell?

PF: No. Well, besides the fact that they fired me. They let a bunch of us go after the first season. As Penn Jillette said, "They let all the atheists go."

JS: That covers the religious content of this interview.

PF: (laughs) There you go.

JS: When did you decide that you wanted to get into acting?

PF: I always wanted to be an actor when I was a kid. When I was five, six, or seven-- I donít know how old I was-- I was the lead elf in the school play. I got the bug from that.

JS: Do you still put that on your resume?

PF: Oh, yeah. Itís right up there. I used to pad out my resume so much. I went to a taping of a Richard Lewis concert, and they had an audience reaction of me, so I wrote on my resume that I was on his special. Anyway, I got my start doing that as a kid, and I was an amateur magician.

JS: Are you serious?

PF: Oh, totally. What geek wasnít into magic? Itís a credential you must have. I used to do shows at my grandmotherís retirement home. I was the toast at the 80-and-over sets. Then I did standup when I was 15 years old, outside of Detroit, Michigan.

JS: Wow. Thatís the comedy capital of the world.

PF: Exactly. Every comedy person is from there. I also worked in Toledo, Ohio as a Ronald McDonald.

JS: Oh, shut up!

PF: Iím absolutely serious. In the summer of Ď81. What a gig. It was $50 for a parade, and $75 if I did a magic act.

JS: Ronald does magic? I had no idea.

PF: Oh, yeah. Ronald is the king of magic. Ronald is just not allowed to talk about religion, sports, politics, or anything. He can only say hello.

JS: Was there a Ronald boot camp?

PF: There was, but I didnít have to go. I kind of got in through the back door.

JS: I think thatís enough about Ronaldís back door.

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