INSANE WAYNE CHINSANG: I am thankful for Cuba Gooding, Jr., because without him I would have nothing to hate.

VINNIE BAGGADONUTS: I am thankful for Stella, beer, and lesbians. Thank you.

FPHATTY LAMAR: I am thankful for Dr. Scholl’s.

CAP'N BOOTY: I’m thankful that my nostrils are under my nose instead of on top, because otherwise I would drown if it rained.

SPACEY HEADCASE: I am thankful for #340 sub-stereo connection rings with v.115 overload switch option. And, of course, porn.

NEOGEO THE PROPHET: I am thankful for the fact that Chinese food, when cooked in America, has meat in it.

TINA WELLS: I am thankful for buttons. Otherwise, my boobies would show and people would be able to see that my belly button has scabs.

DEBBIE: I am thankful for the word “xanthochroid.” It comes in handy way more than those dumb, tiny words like: the, and, as, etc.

DARBY O'GILL: I am thankful for air. Oh yeah, and sex. But, without air you couldn’t have sex! Okay, I’m going with my first answer: air.

CORNELIUS CAUTION: I am thankful for kiwi fruit. Not so much because they look like swollen monkey testicles, but because of their sweetness and their citrusy tang.

FRANK PUTZERELLI: I am thankful for my faith in God, my family and friends. For Nads, because it is edible and removes unsightly hair. And that Pauly Shore stopped making movies.