When I first popped in Faded Seaside Glamour, I thought, \"Hmmm... this is extremely poppy indie rock with soft female vocals.\"
But, wait-- by the second track, I was completely confused. The same female vocalist seemed to have turned male, then back into a female, then back into a male. So, naturally, being so confused as to the sex of the lead vocalist, I ran to the liner notes for clues.

Listen: I had some Pulitzer Prize-worthy shit written, talking about Consequence’s debut on Tribe’s Beats, Rhymes, And Life, and blah, blah, blah. But fuck that. If you actually do value the opinions of the people writing the reviews you read, you don’t want to hear that nerdy shit. You want to hear why the record’s good. Is it quality? Is it funky? Can you feel it?

There’s no real way to write this without looking like a total fag. All I know is, three listens and four bonus DVD viewings later, I need $1,632.52. That’s what a one-way ticket to Sweden costs. And that’s where Cardigans\' front-vixen Nina Persson will fall in love with me. She’s the only reason I listened to this album... and watched all 20 minutes worth of their videos. I can’t even explain what it is about her. She’s hot, for sure. But that’s an understatement. It’s more like hypnosis!

I just... you know... man... Anything Else But The Truth by The Honorary Title.
What else can I say? Hip, hip hooray for bland music, bland singing, and bland lyrics! I’d be willing to bet that someone could produce this album’s equal by pressing the \"generic indie rock\" button on their karaoke machine, and then drip whatever trite, love-stricken poetry freestyle that falls out of their lips over it.

Straight from the land down under comes Bumblebeez 81, with their premiere full-length, The Printz.
I was exposed to this sibling duo-- a brother and sister team made up of Chris and Pia Colonna-- when I placed a link to their video for \"Pony Ride\" in our A/V section. And, I admit, I wasn\'t immediately \"hooked\". But I knew I was intrigued enough to want to hear more.

Like Batman and Robin in laser-light strap-ons, Supertouch and Sexmouth are the main duo that make up Boyjazz, the next step in futuristic butt-rock space-jams. And when I say \"futuristic\", I mean it. Especially since (according to their dossier) Sexmouth was born in 2053, and Supertouch was born in 2054. Whatever century these space monkeys are from, they definitely learned something on their trip through the time warp-- how to rock the fuck out.

The third album from the Beta boys from Scotland hits the ground running, and leaves 12 amazing tracks in its dust.
I\'ve liked everything The Beta Band has ever done, including their self-titled debut that even they themselves admittedly loathe. But this is a far cry from that album. Hell, it\'s a far cry from their previous album, Hot Shots II.

Finally, I get to review a CD that I genuinely like! It’s a little intimidating, since I won’t be able to hide my lack of musical knowledge behind sarcastic, critical remarks. In fact, maybe I’m not the right person to be discussing Antibalas\' Who Is This America? Without the intricate historical details that a competent reviewer might include, I can tell you that this is a very solid album.

Wassup, ya\'ll? Tina Peters here, back with another Shia-licious edition of The Shia Mailbag. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks here, what with TLC’s new print issue arriving and all. I swear, once that thing hit the streets, I got flooded with autograph requests. I’ve been signing issues left and right! I will admit, it does include one of my finer columns. And, hoo-wee, did Miss Fphatty capture the hottiness of Shia \"Sexx\" LaBeouf! You go, sister! Anyway, on to the letters. As expected, there aren’t too many. It’s final exam time. Stupid school.

What did you have for lunch? \"Why?\" you ask? Because I want to fuck it out of you. That\'s right. I want to fuck the lunch out of you.
Is that so weird? For years, we\'ve been telling each other we want to fuck the shit out of each other. So this is the next logical step, right? So, what\'d you have? Pizza? Turkey sandwich? Indian food? (God, I hope it was Indian food.) I had a salad. Tossed. Nah, nah... I\'m just jivin\' you on that one. It was a burrito. But that doesn\'t matter. Because I am going to fuck the lunch out of you.