The sound of gunfire and artillery laced with soothing vocals,... A rhythmic tribal folk-song that rails hard into percussion-heavy rock beats,... Ambient patterns bursting with explosions of drum and bass,... That\'s how I\'d describe Serart, a collaboration between System of a Down\'s lead singer, Serj Tankian, and prolific folk-musician, Arto Tunc Boyaciyan. Layered beyond belief, Serart is a tumultuous ride of self-expression, effortlessly bridging cultural and musical gaps. It\'s a crashing rumble of drum and bass, interwoven with soft, reflective piano notes.

Oh my God. I can\'t believe it. I\'m about to give something a positive review. It\'s Punk-O-Rama 8 (POR 8), the newest in Epitaph\'s long-standing line of punk rock compilations. And, oh sweet gizzards, is this the fucking bomb!

Maybe I\'m too jaded to review this sort of music. Maybe I\'m a snotty prick. Maybe I\'m getting (dare I say it?) older, and this sort of music is just too new for me. Or maybe I\'m just sick and tired of all these So-Cal-style-pop-rock-radio-punk bands! For the love of monkeys, what the hell is going on?!? Someone\'s sleeping in my home! Uh, I mean-- never mind.

I woke up early today, so I sat around naked, feeling like shit. I wasn’t hung-over, I just felt sad from my core. I could feel it radiating outward from within; it felt hot and destructive. It wasn’t intense; it was dull, tangible, and complete.

I’m still not sure whether or not she recognized me. My brother and sister told me she did.
\"Oh, yes. She knew who you were. She was so happy to see you after all these years.\"
That last part got me. Whether it was said with contempt, or whether I just projected it onto the words, it got me.
I knew my mom was in bad shape. My brother, Steven, had told me as much. He tried to put a positive spin on things.
\"She’s happy, always laughing.\"

Last month, when I resorted to rambling on about nothing in particular, I was sure it wouldn\'t come down to that again-- at least not for a few years or so. I\'m not certain, but I think, as a writer, you\'re only allowed to officially ramble under severe circumstances. It\'s by no means recommended,.. but once in a while you can make use of it.

The day is gray with a cool clear breeze blowing as we head on down the highway; just the thing to clear my late-night drunken head. I crack the window slightly and inhale deeply, staring out past my reflection as we glide beneath a three-tier bridge. I see nothing but the possibility for code, and begin processing the intel; equating passing cars and opposing directions with 1s and 0s. What information could be gleaned from such a study?

Brian didn’t want to go home just yet, but he had to get out of the office as soon as possible. He didn’t normally make a habit of leaving this early, nearly 40 minutes before the usual five o’clock, but he couldn’t stand being confined to his tiny workspace any longer. He’d stared at his flickering computer screen for long enough, listened to the high-pitched whine of the CPU for as long as he could stand, and now he had to get away from his cramped desk, with its unending paperwork and ceaselessly ringing phone.

Franklin,
Sometimes, during intercourse, my girlfriend’s vagina makes loud and strange noises, sort of like a fart. It sounds kinda like \"ssslhp, whohhp\" to me. Is this normal? What should I do?
Concerned In Detroit,
Ken Lyango
Ken,

CHICAGO, IL - Chicago resident, Benjamin Dorney, is taking the owners of Sternwell’s Family Market to court for the $317 he claims they owe him.
Dorney had been collecting coupons for years so that he might cash them in for their actual cash value; a value which ranges anywhere from 1/1000 of a cent to 1/100 of a cent. With a final total of 4,579,841 coupons, Dorney was astounded and devastated to learn that his neighborhood market would not honor them.