MAMA WATCHMAN READS: THE HA-HA
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22 December 2023
In his wallet, Howard Kapostash keeps a supply of business cards explaining his \"situation\", but he seldom uses them because he doesn’t like the wording-- especially the line at the bottom that reads: \"Please remember: I am of normal intelligence!\"
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FREAK FILMS: MICHAEL LEIGH'S ''NAKED''
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22 December 2023
\"Have you ever thought, right, but you don’t know, but you may have already lived the happiest day in your whole fuckin\' life, and all you have to look forward to is fuckin\' sickness and purgatory?\"
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TLC UNSURE IF ARTICLE IS A ''STORY'' OR ''PEN & THINK'' PIECE
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22 December 2023
MILWAUKEE, WI - The staff of popular humor magazine tastes like chicken has received a writing submission which they are unsure in which section to include it. The disputed article raises a number of questions about the exact definitions of the \"Stories\" and \"Pen & Think\" sections of the publication.
SHIMMER MAN
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22 December 2023
The year was 2046.
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FRANKLIN FURTER'S MATTERS OF THE HEART
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22 December 2023
Ya fucking cottin gin, ya better not let me hear you been hanging around her house again or I\'ll let you have what for!
Watch your back in Raleigh, I mean I am watching your back in Raleigh so you\'d better do it!
- You Nightmare
Dear You,
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PRESIDENTIN' WITH THE DUBSTER
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22 December 2023
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AUNT FPHATTY
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22 December 2023
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WAYNE SAYS... I WANNA GET MY SUE ON!
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22 December 2023
Quick! Somebody put a severed dick in my bologna sandwich, because I wanna get my sue on!
Oh, don\'t look at me like that. Like I\'m some sick bastard just because I\'d bite into a dick if it meant that I could then file a meaty (pun intended) lawsuit. I\'d like to meet one person that wouldn\'t love to have an opportunity like that fall into their lap. Or their mouth.
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VINNIE AND #716 GO TO A LECTURE
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22 December 2023
One is a certifiable genius. The other is Vinnie. Together, they are two of the most brilliant inventors in all of Pangaea. Wayne recognized this, and has given them a column to share with you the wonders of their progressive, modern minds.
THIS PART WAS WRITTEN BY VINNIE
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THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT OF ''ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT''
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22 December 2023
There are two types of people in this world: those who like FOX’s Arrested Development, and those who like shit. My question is: when the hell did we start allowing the latter to be the deciding factor in what the rest of us with good taste will watch and listen to when it comes to TV, movies, and music?
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