THEY'RE NOT CELEBRITIES. THEY WALK PAST YOU ON THE STREET, BRING YOU YOUR FOOD AT A RESTAURANT, AND LIVE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. THEY'RE EVERYDAY PEOPLE. JUST LIKE YOU.
FEBRUARY 2004: BEN THOMAS

SCIENCE CAPITOL, USA - A recent study by smart brainiacs revealed that ten out of ten lesbians think pussy tastes "delicious".
When asked to comment on this important scientific finding, Dr. Akiyama Masahiko stated, "We were taken completely by surprise with this particular scientific study."
Unable to keep a straight face, he quickly admitted, "I’m just messing with you. We had little doubt them diesels love pussy."

MILWAUKEE, WI - About to be quoted in this very article, tastes like chicken staff "writer" D.J. Kirkbride will remark that midgets are "God's lil' mistake".
Midgets-- who prefer to be called "little people" or "hobbits"-- will be outraged as soon as they read this.
One lil' fella will say, "What the fuck? We're short with pudgy limbs, but who says that's a mistake? Maybe being a tall, gorilla-armed, knuckle-dragging freak is God's BIG mistake! Ever think about that, Kirkbride, you deformed giant freak-ass motherfucker?"

Okay, so you know what Pure Lard is by now, right? Some shit that I've been writing every month (or so) since back when you were in short pants, right? Yeah. Now it's in tastes like chicken every month because Insane Wayne Chinsang wants me to keep quiet about that time I saw him kill a kid last year-- I mean, uh,.. it's a good time! Read on!

Hey there, Jennifer Connelly!
It’s me, ol’ D.J., again. I wrote you a couple months ago. Haven’t heard back. Maybe you don’t read tastes like chicken as much as I’d figured. Well, it being February, what with Valentine’s Day and all, I’m trying again.

Ninjas don’t get healthcare.
See that line over there?
That’s the free health clinic
Where them people without
Insurance have to go
When they get hurt or sick.
Ninjas don’t get healthcare.
They say that it’s not fair,
But theirs is a risky
Profession, and those dark,
Violent assassins
Companies won’t carry.
Ninjas don’t get healthcare.
Can’t see them standing there
Because they are hiding
In plain sight, but there are
Ninjas with colds and sai
Wounds in that line waiting.

DUSTIN GROVEMILLER IS A SASSY, RED-HEADED BITCH BOY FROM THE MIDDLE OF OHIO. A WHILE BACK, HE STARTED AN ONLINE PUBLICATION CALLED THE FOOTNOTE WITH A FAT FUCK WHO SOON LEFT HIM HIGH AND DRY TO MOVE TO MILWAUKEE,.. MORE ON THAT LATER. UNDETERRED, DUSTIN CONTINUES WRITING FOR AND EDITING THE FOOTNOTE, AS WELL AS MAINTAINING THE SITE. ALL WITH LITTLE HELP FROM THE FAT FUCK WHO STARTED THE THING WITH HIM. HE ALSO HAS A LOVELY SINGING VOICE. OUR OWN D.J.