Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, music enthusiasts of all ages-- come and witness the magnificent murder of melody at the hands of America’s finest! Behold the wrecking ball stamina of Shia Hulud. Cower before their Harkonnen-like fury. Bathe in the gravel-pit aftermath of The Distillers. Writhe and burn in the blast crater left by the atom bomb of their undeniable youth and uncompromising cadence. Weave and tread the scorched path of longtime punkers, Sick Of It All. Don’t be fooled by their ages folks!

Max Fleischer’s Superman and Superman - The Lost Episodes DVDs aren’t new to store shelves, but if you’re an animation fan they should definitely own a spot on yours. Between 1941 and 1943, Fleischer and Famous Studios produced some of the most visually stunning animation to date. These Superman shorts are fast-paced thrillers, showcasing the noir style of film classics like Laura and The Third Man. Orson Welles even lends his voice to a few of the episodes, and Burt Lancaster is the opening announcer.

THIS MONTH, OUR RESIDENT CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, DR. VINCIENZO GIUSEPPE BAGGADONUTS, GIVES PARENTS VALUABLE ADVICE IN YET ANOTHER ONE OF HIS HELPFUL COLUMNS TITLED TALK TO YOU KIDS ABOUT:

IF PUNK ROCK WAS A FORTIFIED STRONGHOLD, THESE KIDS WOULD BE MANNING THE GUN NESTS. AMIDST THE VOCAL SHELLING FROM BRODY ARMSTRONG AND THE RAPID-FIRE DRUM BURSTS OF ANDY OUTBREAK, TASTES LIKE CHICKEN\'S DEBBIE PENETRATES THE RAZORWIRE TO HAVE A WORD WITH TWO OF THE DISTILLERS.
[IN THE WOMEN\'S BATHROOM]
debbie: How did the changes in the band lineup come about?

MARCH FUN FACT:
Nick “Butterfront” Pazouli competed in the Shirtless Road Luge for the United States at this year’s Winter Olympic Games. Uncle Randy was proud.

Mr. Mark Little of Groveport, Ohio is mounting a massive lawsuit against a handful of major news agencies. The charge: repeated defamation of character.
Mr. Little states that, “They’ve been dragging my name-- or rather, my face-- through the mud for years.”
His complaint is that networks consistently plaster his face over those of robbers, murderers, rapists, pornographers and the like in news footage.

The following is an exchange between myself and the pimply-faced little shit behind the counter at the local movie theater.
Pimply-Faced Little Shit: “Sorry, sir. We phased out the Sno-Caps."

I’m asking you, please help me save my panda. He lives with me and my family. It’s not like any of us ever wanted a panda. But when Dad won a big poker game against our dry-cleaner, Mom wouldn’t let him accept the originally agreed-upon prize of the dry-cleaner’s firstborn daughter. So we got stuck with the panda. We named him Bruce Lee and he now lives in our basement. I never would have guessed it at first, but we’ve really grown close to Bruce Lee. He’s a blast at parties, and he isn’t half bad at Scrabble, either.

I APPROACHED CHI-KIT ABOUT AN INTERVIEW WITH THE INTENTION OF PROMOTING HIS THESIS SHOW. AND WE DO. BUT CHI-KIT IS KEEPING THE WORK A SECRET FROM THE PUBLIC. HE WANTS TO UNVEIL IT ALL AT ONCE. I GOT TO SEE IT, AND I WAS FLOORED. REAL AMAZING STUFF. IT DOES EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS IT TO DO, WHICH IS THE SIGN OF AN INTELLIGENT ARTIST. CHI-KIT IS MOST DEFINITELY INTELLIGENT, AND HUMBLE. AND HE WAS WILLING TO SHARE A BIT OF HIS INTELLIGENCE WITH TASTES LIKE CHICKEN.
ENJOY,
VINNIE

WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the accomodating folks at THE BELLAGIO HOTEL in Las Vegas.
Dear Hotel Manager,