Imagine if Michael Jordan wound up in jail instead of the NBA draft. Think about how different basketball would be. The slam dunk might never have been so glorified. The game might never have been so electrified.
This is the story of Demetrius \"Hook\" Mitchell.

\"That which does not kill us only makes us want to die.\"
– Vincent Spinetti
It has often been said that to be a great artist, one has to suffer. The flames of creativity burn brightest when fed misery, loss, and unrequited love. If this is true, then Joey Goebel must have suffered much to be able to write his amazing novel, Torture The Artist.

We Also Create False Promises introduces itself to you with \"What You Are In The Dark\", which sounds a lot like The Flaming Lips without Wayne Coyne whining about acid and technology. But they waste no time in throwing you for a curve.
Three songs later, \"Passionate Gun Love\" lays you down for some piano-bottomed foreplay, leading into a guitar-crashing climax. And like a long-dead ghost band found on a dusty field recording, \"Flag Is Out\" simultaneously spooks you out and makes you smile.

I can only speak for women when I say this, but there are times when we just want to put on a sad song and cry, just to cry, even if there isn\'t anything bad happening. Sometimes we just like to do it.
Well, ladies, Elliott Smith\'s new album, From A Basement On The Hill, is perfect for those certain times. Not only will you be sad by the fact that you\'re listening to a dead man singing, but what he\'s singing will make you weep your eyes out.

CHAGRIN FALLS, OH - Famous cartoon character Calvin-- of Calvin & Hobbes fame-- announced Wednesday that he is done pissing on things.
\"I\'ve done everything I can with piss,\" stated Calvin. \"I\'ve pissed on Ford emblems, Chevy emblems, fire, and good taste. Hell, I\'ve even pissed on terrorism and Osama bin Laden. I\'m just all pissed out.\"
Calvin, who last year broke away from pissing for a brief praying stint, would like to broaden his creative horizons.

They say that revenge is sweet, and Joey Perrone finds it tempting when her husband Chaz throws her overboard on their second anniversary cruise in Carl Hiaasen’s Skinny Dip. What Chaz doesn’t remember is that as a former champion swimmer in college, swimming is what Joey does best. He’s so conceited that he doesn’t even imagine that she will survive. That she will also meet just the right person to help her find out why Chaz did what he did and make him pay, is beyond anything that he could comprehend.

ORLANDO, FL - An obese family of four have another fun and exciting day of eating planned at the popular vacation spot, Walt Disney World\'s Magic Kingdom.
\"Yesterday, we ate breakfast at Main Street Bakery,\" stated Melvin Scharrer, 38, father of the fat four. \"And then we had our first lunch at Tony\'s, our second lunch at Cosmic Ray\'s, and then dinner at Columbia Harbor House.\"