HOLLYWOOD, CA - Actress Jamie Lee Curtis says she\'s considering quitting show biz. Curtis stated in a September interview with MORE Magazine that her upcoming film, Christmas With The Kranks, may be her last.
Stated Curtis, \"I don\'t want to watch my face get older on film. There isn\'t a human being on Earth who isn\'t going to look at a star who used to be beautiful and is now aging without thinking, \'Oh boy, they\'re not looking so good, are they?\'\"

WASHINGTON, DC - Secretary of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge, announced today the raising of the Terror Alert Level to \"RED\" in the state of Montana, citing intelligence that indicates a group of Indian insurgents, led by wanted terrorist Crazy Horse, are planning to attack General Custer and the 7th Cavalry in the Valley of the Little Bighorn.
Ridge says this information was gleaned from intercepted smoke signals between the Sioux and Cheyenne tribes, along with clues hidden on the back of labels from 40 oz. bottles of Crazy Horse Malt Liquor.

Oops. Did I say \"terrorist\"? I meant \"preparedness\".
Regardless, September (or, as I like to call it, \"Scaretember\") has been named National Preparedness Month by the Department Of Homeland Security/Committee To Scare People Into Voting For Bush, so it seems especially fitting this month to spend some time with \"Mr. Homeland Security\", the unofficial Department spokesperson.
Q: How do you respond to allegations that this move is nothing more than a cheap election year ploy to scare the American people into reelecting President Bush?

Two of Epitaph\'s big names go completely acoustic on this four-song split EP. These known-for-being-rock bands put down their electric guitars and become one with nature, stripping down for a more acoustic sound.
Typically very poppy and indie rock-sounding, Motion City Soundtrack and Matchbook Romance take things slow here, like a nice, mellow stroll through the woods behind your backyard. It\'s a nice change of pace for these bands, and they seem to have effortlessly made the transition into acoustic bliss.

1. R.A. THE RUGGED MAN - DIE, RUGGED MAN, DIE
Rugged Man, say why.
Tell world why you so damn pissed.
Need hug and warm milk?
ratheruggedman.com
2. LAST OF THE FAMOUS - THE MUSIC OR THE MEMORY
You are not famous.
You are pop punk gut-rot bile.
A pox on you all!
lastofthefamous.com
3. RANTMUSIC - KAMIKAZE SYLLABLES
Mr. Bungle-esque,

Click here to learn what. (Large video file. May take a while to download.)

How can you not
Think about the night janitor
Working the rest stop between
Erie, Pennsylvania and Cleveland,
Who leaned against that giant window
At one in the morning, watching nothing,
Watching the darkness
And the occasional headlights
Fumbling off the turnpike?
How could anyone survive that night?
The fluorescent lights busily reciting
Your life story, interrupted
Only by latrines
Flushing
In sarcastic applause.