SAN FRANCISCO, CA - After declaring the latest Good Charlotte single to be \"pretty good\", local hipster Mitchell Douglas, 23, lost all credibility with his friends.
\"We used to look to him for what was cutting edge and cool,\" laments a Douglas associate. \"Now he\'s suspect.\"
Another acquaintance added, \"After this Good Charlotte shit, I\'m now forced to wonder if The Pixies\' Doolittle is really a \'seminal alternative rock album\', like Mitch said. I mean, how can I take his opinions seriously anymore?\"

Good Morning, Vietnam! Dubsy here, gettin\' my write on for you fine-ass muthafuckas. And let me tell you what-- it ain\'t easy to write when the air is so thick with pre-election tension. You heard me right, Deaf Jeff: I said \"pre-election tension\". The Republicans are confident I won’t be filling out any change of address forms anytime soon, the Dumbocrats are convinced I’m leaving on a November train to Palookaville, and I’m convinced that Bruce Willis really could stop an asteroid from destroying Earth. Really! I mean in real life. I know it was just a movie.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Late last Thursday evening, it was leaked by an anonymous White House official that President Bush has already stolen the upcoming November election, and is hiding it somewhere in the White House.
The anonymous person stated, \"I bet he\'s keeping it in his Bonanza safe under his desk in the Oval Office. I know he likes to hide his Twinkies and Trucker Stud magazines in there.\"
When questioned by reporters about the theft of yet another election, President Bush stated, \"Terror.\"

Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars knew the situation was dire, but nothing could’ve prepared him for this. Not even his first honeymoon in Vegas. He’d received a call on his cell phone. The frantic, broken English said it all: Jackie Chan was in trouble, and not just at the box office this time.

Okay, so the Hollywood trend last month was that 40 is the new 30. Well, listen up, because we\'ve got more dish to help your hipster lifestyle!
This month\'s latest Hollywood craze is: lice is the new dandruff. That\'s right! The newest trend in scalp fashion is lice! Dandruff is so ten minutes ago, and is about as fashionable now as your trucker hat... so get rid of both!

Wigglepussy, Indiana seems to be a band in the middle of a change. It’s obvious listening to the album that they are very inspired by Mr. Bungle. But as the album unfolds, something else is rising to the surface-– their own original sound.

You never realize how incredibly boring most music is until you hear an album like this. One Day, Everything Changed is not simply songs on wax. It’s a personal, beautiful, musical magic carpet ride, scooping you up from where you stand, and taking you on the kind of adventure normally reserved for the most vivid imaginations.

How much do I like Martina Topley-Bird? Well, for the last year and a half, I considered flying to the U.K. just to buy her solo LP, Quixotic, at a more reasonable price. Here in the States it was \"import only\", which means \"ridiculously overpriced\". And, in all honesty, Topley-Bird has one of the most beautiful voices on record today.

What more could pro-skater Tony Hawk possibly want in life? I mean, the guy is to skating what I am to male pattern baldness. He\'s got everything, right? So what else could he possibly want? His own radio show? Well, guess what? He got it.