BEN KWELLER HAS BEEN IN THE MUSIC BIZ SINCE JUNIOR HIGH. IN THIS TASTES LIKE CHICKEN INTERVIEW, D.J. KIRKBRIDE TALKS TO BEN ABOUT HIS EARLY GRUNGE BAND, RADISH, MOVING TO NEW YORK, STARTING A VERY DIFFERENT SOUNDING SOLO CAREER, OTHER MUSICIANS NAMED BEN, AND WIFFLE BALLS.
D.J.: We got a preview copy of your new album, On My Way.
Ben: Yeah?
D.J.: Yeah. And I just wanted to say congrats. It sounds great.
B: Ah, thank you so much!

HEAVEN - Following U.S. President George W. Bush’s apparent policy of \"kill \'em all, let God sort \'em out\" concerning both military forces and civilians in Iraq, God Almighty has publicly announced that He is unable to cope with His greatly increased workload.

One day, Mikey the Moth decided to fly to the Moon.
\"I’m sick,\" he shouted, thumping his fuzzy chest passionately. \"I’m sick of flying into light bulbs and street lights and Christmas lights and store windows and car headlights. Hell, I got a fat singe on my ass from a birthday candle once!\" He began pacing to and fro. The other moths looked at him strangely.
One ventured to say, \"Well, Mikey, since you’re so damn picky....\" Here, the other moths nodded in agreement.
\"It’s not that I’m picky, it’s just... I need someone non-electrical. I need someone natural.\"

The tiny parrot looked at me. Had it winked? What the fuck? I raised my cookie to my mouth, the whole time thinking I was looking directly at the parrot, but definitely not looking at the cookie. It was chocolate chip. I knew this because I bought the cookies at a local grocery store with a coupon for 25¢ off, and all the other cookies I’d eaten from the package had been chocolate chip. Yes, it was indeed a chocolate chip cookie. This much was certain.

It burrows itself into the gray matter. It gets deep and is hard, nearly impossible, to dig out. Like a chigger under the skin, it gets itself inside the brain and can’t be reached. Alcohol can sometimes act like clear nail polish painted over the skin to cut off a chigger from air, suffocating it. A few well-timed and spaced out shots can’t draw it out of the mind completely, but they can cover it up for a bit. Make the laughs come easier. Drown it out for a while.

There was no announcement. No memos were sent out. It was like when multiple people create similar inventions at different ends of the globe at the same time without being aware of each other’s work. It was a planet-wide consciousness. We just stopped having kids. I don’t mean just my wife and I. I don’t mean just my circle of friends. I mean everyone. Everywhere. We just stopped. Without a stated reason or plan. There was no manifesto. We just stopped.

Growing up, I always fantasized about the different ways I could kill myself. Regurgitated thoughts of suffocating myself with duct tape would consume me. I\'d contrive the most dramatic and shocking ways of doing it, hoping that whoever would find my body would be scarred for life with the vision of my death. Selfish, but that\'s just me.

Widespread Panic has been rockin\' out in one form or another since the early-Eighties. Taking the influences of The Allman Brothers, Steve Miller, and the Grateful Dead, and molding it into their own unique style, consisting of elements of improvisational jazz, blues, and Southern rock, they have gained worldwide acclaim.

\"Ding, ding!\"
That\'s the familiar intro tone of the long-ass-running drama Law & Order. Actually, it might be a \"donk, donk\" sound. No matter. Fact is, this show has been running for so long that the creators had to make three separate shows: Law & Order, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Throughout the centuries, mighty titans have locked in desperate combat. The Allies triumphed over the Axis Powers; George Bush defied the villainous Saddam Hussein; the Rebel Alliance struggled against the evil Empire; the Chinese fought valiantly against the Mongolians; and George Bush defied the villainous Saddam Hussein. Yes, the world has seen its share of giants squaring off against each other, yet nothing quite compares to the outrageousness and sheer audacity of this world\'s greatest and most defining battle: Freddy vs. Jason.