If the songs "The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails and "Come to Daddy" by Aphex Twin somehow formed an unholy alliance and were able to conceive a child, the resulting hellspawn would be Error.

If you were to put The Special Goodness’s full-length debut, Land Air Sea in your CD player without seeing the band’s name, it wouldn’t be ridiculous for you to think it was a new Weezer LP. Part of this could be explained by Pat Wilson, Weezer’s bespectacled drummer, being one half of the duo (the other being Atom Willard of Rocket From The Crypt fame).

Will you be this ninja's friend?
Hang with him
Until the
Bitter end?
Can you be this ninja's soul mate?
Talkin' 'bout
Life, stayin'
Up real late?
Would you give this ninja a dolla'?
And fitty
Cent? So he
Has bus fare?
What? This isn't just about money, dog!
It's just that
Ninjas ain't
Get no pay!
C'mon!!! Have a heart and be this ninja's frien'!!!

Okay, so you know what Pure Lard is by now, right? Some shit that I've been writing every month (or so) since back when you were in short pants, right? Yeah. Now it's in tastes like chicken every month because Insane Wayne Chinsang wants me to keep quiet about his severe anal ras-- I mean, uh,.. it's a good time! Read on!

HUMPTULIPS, WA - Local man Jeremy Sade visited a friend’s home last Tuesday, only to be greeted by his friend's dog, Booboo, and his unprovoked sexual advances.
“I was just visiting my pal Mike when his mutt ran up to me and started humping my leg,” explains a visibly shaken Sade. “He wrapped his front paws around my calf and went to town! Had a boner bigger than he was!”

BALTIMORE, MD - A recent survey by the Bloomberg School of Public Health at Johns Hopkins University found that low to moderate drinking causes the human brain to shrink in size.
The study's findings also supported prior beliefs that heavy drinking causes brain atrophy, as well as shrinkage.
The study evaluated 2,000 patients, ages 55 and,.. um,.. can someone get me a cookie? I'd really like a cookie. Or a bagel. But,.. ah,.. what was I writing about? Whatever.

Happy New Year, one and all. I trust your Holidays were better spent than mine.
After tracking Saddam to his hometown of Tikrit-- rumor had him working a booth at the local Korean nail shop, masquerading as a woman named "Too Bookoo"-- I managed to trap his nappy ass. I was one pubic hair away from collecting my $25 million reward, when some gung-ho GIs stormed in and took him back.
Now all I have to show for my time in Iraq is a bad case of sand chiggers. And by "bad", I mean the "genital kind". Thanks, Uncle Sam.

SEAS OF THE CARIBBEAN - The centuries old conflict between Ninjas and Pirates ended yesterday, as Ninjas were declared victorious.
Ninja forces are reported to have appeared "out of nowhere" on the Pirates' boat. They slaughtered the entire crew quickly and efficiently.
A local Pirate issued the following statement at a televised press conference: "Yar, 'tis total bullshit. They be ghosts appearin' outta nowheres. Devil's magic them Ninjas use, I tell ye."
Ninjas, as is their way, had no comment.

BOSTON, MA - A recent study by MIT researchers has revealed that 10 out of 10 heterosexual males find boobies to be “awesome”.
Says project leader, Dr. Akiyama Masahiko, “Yeah, we kinda figured.”