I’m a hateful sonuvabitch. That being said, I can’t figure out whose bright idea it was to have me do music reviews. Most recently, two compact discs have wandered unsuspectingly into my jaded crosshairs.

Somebody needs to explain the concept of “Jack of all trades, master of none” to Ed Ackerson. Ed is the guitarist/vocalist/multi-instrumentalist/producer/label owner/writer of Polara, as his press kit proudly reiterates over and over again. Polara's press kit also uses words like “ahead of the curve,” “experimental,” “daring,” and “spontaneous” to describe them. They are anything but. Unless those words are used to describe people without their own vision, who copy the sounds of other talented bands, badly. They even have the audacity to compare themselves to My Bloody Valentine!

The freshly appointed duo of Karl Hyde and Rick Smith (sans DJ Darren Emerson) brought their live act across the pond for five precious dates here in the States and Canada last month. Those who were lucky enough to catch their show in Pontiac, Michigan seemed somewhat surprised to hear such favorites such as “Cowgirl”, “Dark Train”, and ”Born Slippy” so early on in the show. Would the duo have the bips and bleeps for what it takes to survive a line-up shake-up? Well, after a few songs, ol’ Spalding here says, “Hell yes!” I wasn’t surprised at all about how good the older tunes held up.

Think about it: if you ran into a Waterboy or Happy Gilmore on the street, it would be like running into one of those deranged sociopaths who argue with themselves at the bus stop late at night. If you've ever questioned what one of Adam Sandler's characters would be like if they existed in the real world, Punch-Drunk Love is the answer. Even if you've never given a Sandler flick that much thought, this movie is still brilliant!

I used to cringe at anything that had even the slightest of country twang to it, but that was before I was exposed to Willie Nelson, Emmylou Harris, or the bad ass work of Johnny Cash. I’m still not sold on on any contemporary country (which I’m convinced isn’t really “country”), but occasionally an artist comes along with a country influence that doesn’t rub me the wrong way. Shannon McNally is one of those artists. And her newest disc, the 8 track Ran On Pure Lightning, is a nice break from the other stuff I’ve been listening to lately.

I love sex. Yes, I know it may be hard to believe, but I’ve been known to enjoy many a pelvic grind. And I’m about to get even more honest with you: I enjoy not using contraception. I know, I know. It’s not exactly the most responsible choice; but it is one I do prefer. I’m smart about it, of course. I mean, when you’re as obsessive about disease and germs as I am, you take every precaution you can. But I am weak when it comes to wrapping my burrito.