This month I got to sit down with comedian Robert Schimmel and his girlfriend Melissa, who couldn't help but correct Robert's answers.
darby: What's next for Robert Schimmel?
Robert: A one-man show.
d: Read the book or see the movie?
R: It all depends on what movie or book it is. Would I want to read the book for Collateral Damage? No!
d: I didn't even want to see the movie. The Muppet Show or Sesame Street?
R: Sesame Street.
Melissa: I can't believe you picked Sesame Street.
R: Why?

Now that it’s behind us, the government has released the working names for Operation: Anaconda.
• OPERATION: BIG FUCKING SNAKE
• OPERATION: JOHN HOLMES
• OPERATION: MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU’VE GOT BUNS, HON (FOLLOWED BY - ENDURING: BABY’S GOT BACK)
• OPERATION: ANOTHER SHITTY JON VOIGHT MOVIE
• OPERATION: KILL EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING

Yeah, you know me. I'm the guy in the leather jacket. The one you've been looking at all night. I can see in your eyes how badly you want my attention. And believe me, I understand. If I were in your shoes, I'd want MY attention, too. Hell-- if I were in ANYONE'S shoes, I’d want MY attention.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) - Governor Rick Perry (R) of Texas asked the members of Congress last Thursday if his state could secede from the Union.
“The people of Texas are in agreement,” said Governor Perry. “They no longer want to be a part of the United States of America. So I ask Congress once again to please release the suffocating grasp your nation has on our country.”
After Perry’s speech, Congress voted in favor of the secession. Minutes after the vote, they declared war on Texas.

Come hop aboard my Good Ship Lollipop and sail away into bliss with Pelrun. Pelrun wants you. Pelrun desires you. Pelrun needs you. Pelrun will show you what is the sweet lovemaking of a real man. Come to Pelrun. He waits.