Like any living Christ, Joe has a mission. It’s the very thing that drives him to travel the United States armed with little more than his movie catalogue, a few CDs, and a yearning for White Castle. Joe Christ wants to offend you. He’s no bigot, either-- he wants to offend everyone equally, regardless of race, color or creed. Plain and simple, offensive material is this sculptor’s Play-Doh. Also, like any good Christ, his work isn’t appreciated by everyone. Could it be the self-mutilation and blood imbibing in Communion In Room 410?

You’ve got to have pretty big balls to call yourself punk rock in an era where boy bands rule the roost. You’ve got to have even bigger balls to sound nothing like today’s mainstream punk rock standard, which is Blink-182, who are a bunch of pussies. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Blatant Finger. Their debut disc, Sit & Spin, is audio testament to their swollen gonad proclamation-- 13 tracks of slightly country-fried punk rock and roll.

Do you remember the first time you saw the world with adult eyes? How about the first time you were inspired by a piece of music? These are just two of the subjects writer/director Cameron Crowe takes on in his new film, Almost Famous. The film is a slightly autobiographical story. The film’s creator started his career as a rock journalist at the ripe old age of 15. As if that weren’t a kick in the ass, he was a staff member of Rolling Stone by 16. What were you doing at age 16? Probably the same thing I was doing: failing your driver’s test.

When electronic groups get old, and for various other reasons, former Beach Boy Brian Wilson will be remembered more than he is today. With help from his family, Wilson has done what has always been his greatest talent: orchestrating. With a 50-piece orchestra and a top-notch 10-piece band, he is touring to let people know he is still alive and performing what he and so many others consider a masterpiece, Pet Sounds. To open the concert, his orchestra walked on stage and performed a muzak version of Beach Boys’ hits that was forgettable.

I recently visited family in Wisconsin, where I saw my little cousin Ashley. Being excited to get attention, as kids often are, she asked me if I wanted to play dolls or ride bikes. She was happy to drag me all over the house, showing me things I could watch her play with. Then, in her six-year-old, innocent way, she asked me all about me. Did I like this color or that one? How old am I? Why do I have a beard? Can I drive a car? What music do I like? She asked if I liked Ozzy! A six-year-old girl! It seems her dad is a big fan. It also turns out her father's a big fan of Kid Rock, too.

Last night, at about 10:30pm, I got on the bus to come home from school. A woman I recognized was sitting in the first seat.
“Have a nice evening now,” she said as she waved to me.
“You too,” I said.

There is a cancer growing in our country today. It came to our attention last year when Kathie Lee Gifford (better known as “Satan”) was believed to have had her Kmart line of clothing produced at a Mexican sweatshop. We all remember Kathie Lee and her son, Cody. In fact, many of Cody’s second-grade friends helped make those clothes. With the way things seem to be going, it looks like something needs to be done. But who’s going to do it? Can the economy afford to take it on? Will Congress pass a law against it? Whatever happened to Crystal Pepsi? Does Clinton only like ugly chicks?