Flease Knobby God, me Samigos! Dubya here, emailing in some serious Holiday greetings from Muammar DaCoffee\'s-- a brand-new Internet cafe here in our nation’s capital. If you haven’t been here, it’s pretty sweet. The owner decorated it to look like the Eighties-era Libya we used to know and love. Call me crazy, but I swear ol\' Qaddafi himself is working the counter. It wouldn’t surprise me. Dude couldn’t make a solid international threat, and based on this swill I’m drinking, he can’t make a simple cup of joe, either.

MALDEN, MA - With recent moves by school boards in Kansas, Wisconsin, and Missouri to treat creationism as valid scientific theory, the school board of the state of Massachusetts has introduced legislation to require teaching of \"St. Elsewherism\" to all students.

SUN VALLEY, ID – Sun Valley resident Igor Stripski, 29, was arrested on Thursday after a long investigation into his financial history finally came to a close.
After two years, federal agents were able to discover just how Stripski was able to embezzle a total of $36,000 from a national charity.

I moved out here to the desert years ago because I’m sick. It’s a very specific ailment; not something I can take a pill for. When it’s bad, it’s bad, let me tell you that much.
Imagine a hell where you constantly have to piss like a racehorse, but the bathroom is locked and the headlights never stop coming.
Imagine a hell where words and names are forever stuck on the tip of your tongue, but you’re never able to shout them out.
Imagine a hell where you can’t take a deep breath and step back, even for a moment.

If you ever doubted the artistic merit and craftsmanship of graffiti, or the power it can possess, Stencil Pirates is the perfect primer for your unlearned ass. Clocking in at 192 pages, Stencil Pirates (Soft Skull Press) is a verbal, visual educational tool for those curious about one of the most aesthetically distinct art forms around.

Think that 5.1 stereo surround is just for watching your movies really loud? Well, two recent DVD-audio releases have taken advantage of the amazing experience of hearing music in this format.
Frank Zappa - QuAUDIOPHILIAc

THEY\'RE NOT CELEBRITIES. THEY WALK PAST YOU ON THE STREET, BRING YOU YOUR FOOD AT A RESTAURANT, AND LIVE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. THEY\'RE EVERYDAY PEOPLE. JUST LIKE YOU.
DECEMBER 2004: KATIE AND ABBY STEIB
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN! HE\'S ALSO MAKING A LIST AND CHECKING IT TWICE, AND COUSINS KATIE AND ABBY STEIB SWEAR THEY\'VE BEEN NICE. READ ALONG AND FIND OUT IF THEIR NAMES-- AND WAYNE AND VINNIE\'S NAMES, TOO-- ARE ON SANTA\'S GOOD LIST.
Wayne Chinsang: So, why don’t you two start by telling me what you got from Santa last year?

SINCE ESCAPING THEIR IMPRISONMENT IN ANTARCTICA, GWAR HAS BEEN SPEWING EVERY BODILY FLUID KNOW TO MAN ON AUDIENCES FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS. THE END OF 2004 FINDS THEM REFOCUSED WITH A NEW CD-- WAR PARTY-- SURE TO COMPLETE THEIR SCHEME FOR WORLD DOMINATION. NIGHT WATCHMAN GOT A CHANCE TO SIT DOWN WITH DAVE BROCKIE (A.K.A. ODERUS URUNGUS) BEFORE A SHOW AND GOT HIM TO SPILL HIS GUTS ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP GWAR GOING AFTER ALL THIS TIME.
Night Watchman: I know you guys always like to tour around this time of year--

I’ve always been a huge fan of the television show The X-Files. It had everything a socially inept young man stuck at home on a Friday night could ever want: vast alien conspiracies, nocturnal paranormal activities, action, suspense, and even an occasional campy vampire romp thrown in to fill the blank spaces of an empty social calendar.

This Island is the new album from New York City trio Le Tigre, fronted by ex-Bikini Kill member Kathleen Hanna. But maybe I should begin by stating that I \"heart\" Le Tigre. I mean, they are one of my main bands. I was so glad that they came out with this brand-new project, and after a healthy listen, they have not failed to disappoint this fan.