"There were 17 episodes of that show," says Kenneth Doyle, a skilled Xerox repairman who has been with the company for ten years. "It started on the 25th of September 1977, and officially 'jumped the shark' on the 25th of July, 1978."

My grandparents are my heroes. No movie stars. No athletes. Just my grandparents. I try and emulate them as much as possible. It’s not difficult. Much of who I am was inherited from them.

I know what you\'re thinking: \"716 is reviewing a CD? What the hell?\"
Actually, you’re probably not thinking that. So I guess I don’t actually know what you’re thinking. In any case, the reason why the higher-ups (i.e. \"not me\") didn’t send this CD over to Vinnie or Night Watchman is because The Advantage plays nothing but covers of old Nintendo theme songs.

This is my account of the day I spent in line at The Apprentice 2 open casting call in Cleveland.
Woke up at 5:00 AM. In line by 8:00 AM. I am immediately struck by how many people are in this line that have absolutely no business being here. They're either too old, too ugly, or a vicious mixture of both. As the girl manning the door politely put it: "Seems like some people were in a little over their heads."

George W. Bush is a goddamn liar! And I'm not even talking about weapons of mass destruction (WMD).
No, this time I'm talking about his "supposed" tax cuts. Remember those? Dubya got on national TV and promised that everyone was going to benefit from his new tax plan. Not just rich white folk, but even poor, non-white, non-Christians would find a big surprise when they did their taxes this year.

THEY'RE NOT CELEBRITIES. THEY WALK PAST YOU ON THE STREET, BRING YOU YOUR FOOD AT A RESTAURANT, AND LIVE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. THEY'RE EVERYDAY PEOPLE. JUST LIKE YOU.
APRIL 2004: PATRICK KIRKBRIDE
HIS NAME’S PATRICK KIRKBRIDE. HE’S D.J. KIRKBRIDE’S BRO. HE WORKS AT THE BIGGEST COLLEGE IN THE UNIVERSE, PROTECTS OUR GREAT NATION, AND EXCELS AT NINTENDO. HE'S ALSO NOT EASILY AMUSED, AS D.J. FINDS OUT IN THIS INTERVIEW THAT GOES EVERYWHERE FROM ZELDA TO DUBYA BEING RETARDED.
D.J.: Is it too late to interview?
Patrick: I guess not.

A FEW YEARS AGO, MY BROTHER GAVE ME A CD TITLED 5:30 SATURDAY MORNING. I WAS BLOWN AWAY BY HOW GOOD IT WAS, AND WAS SURPRISED TO FIND OUT THAT THE ARTIST, LENNON, WAS ONLY 19 YEARS OLD WHEN IT WAS RECORDED. FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS, AND SHE NOW HAS ANOTHER ALBUM-- CAREER SUICIDE-- UNDER HER BELT, A NEW DVD, AND A NEW CD ON THE WAY. AND SHE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES OF HER TIME.
Monkeybe: How would you describe yourself and your music?

CELLOS, ANTIQUE CORSETS, VICTORIAN BLOOMERS, AND A PENCHANT FOR DARK, HUMOROUS HISTORY ARE ALL THE CALLING CARDS OF ONE OF THE MOST ORIGINAL BANDS TO EVER COME OUT OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: RASPUTINA. ON THE EVE OF RELEASING FRUSTRATION PLANTATION, RASPUTINA’S FOUNDER, MELORA CREAGER, ALLOWED NIGHT WATCHMAN ACCESS TO THE HISTORY OF HOW THIS INFLUENTIAL BAND CAME TO BE, AND SPILLS THE BEANS ON WHY WE’RE ALL SUCKERS FOR STRINGED INSTRUMENTS.

FEBRUARY 2004 WAS A STRANGE TIME TO BE AN ENTERTAINER. HOWARD STERN HAD JUST BEEN PULLED OFF CLEAR CHANNEL STATIONS, ROSIE O’DONNELL GOT MARRIED, AND SOMETHING HAPPENED AT A BIG SPORTING EVENT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR THAT CAUSED SENSORS EVERYWHERE TO GO ON A WITCH HUNT. NIGHT WATCHMAN HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO TWEAKER’S CHRIS VRENNA ABOUT HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED FROM THE DAYS OF "CLOSER", AND WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE A 2 A.M. WAKEUP CALL.
Night Watchman: So, have you been doing quite a bit of press for 2 a.m. wakeup call?