If our current president leaves behind one legacy it will be that he managed to piss off a lot of people. More than any president I can remember. This year I’ve seen more art and heard more music expressing a genuine distaste for the dude than ever before. Everyone’s unhappy with this guy. Especially Pennywise.

My first real lesson in college has been about television. Antioch is the kind of place where TV is representative of mainstream culture, thus must be eliminated. The media is evil. We all know it. So there are a few members of our lovely community who have broken away from it to do their best to become fully-developed intellectuals who are in touch with the "real" world.

WEIRTON, WV - A local eastside man played a cruel joke on Shemp-- his golden retriever-- during a recent romp in the park, when he pretended to throw a ball. He'd palmed the item instead, sending Shemp on a luckless search that lasted nearly a half-hour.
"I thought he would have figured it out before too long," said Kevin Robbins of his faithful dog. "I would never be able to forgive myself if he hadn't come back."
Shemp could not be reached for comment.

NEW YORK, NY - Impatient to reach the next floor at his crappy job, Andy Zask, 28, swore under his breath, and drilled the button marked "up" for almost 30 seconds before taking the stairs.
"It's a damn shame, you know?" said Zask. "We've been on the freaking moon already, but they can't make an elevator to get you where you want to go in a hurry."

"I suck dick. I'll know how to do this."
This was a comment I made after some arrogant fool asked me if I knew how to take bong rips. It seemed logical at the time. Same basic,.. girth. It may not have been modest, and I may very well have sounded less classy than I generally try to be. But, you know,.. I got high directly following this comment, so I didn't care much.
"You make me want to hurt others, then myself."

HOLLYWOOD, CA - After a heated legal battle that’s been going on since March 2002, famed Hong Kong movie director Ang Lee has acquired the rights to produce and direct a live-action Bananaman film. Adapted from the popular 1983 British cartoon, Lee has made public his first casting decision.
“Playing the roles of both Bananaman and his alter-ego, Eric Twinge, will be Hulk star Eric Bana,” Lee announced, through a team of high-priced translators.

THEY'RE NOT CELEBRITIES. THEY WALK PAST YOU ON THE STREET, BRING YOU YOUR FOOD AT A RESTAURANT, AND LIVE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. THEY'RE EVERYDAY PEOPLE. JUST LIKE YOU.
SEPTEMBER 2003: RYAN CLANCY

YOU KNOW HIM AS THE BACKBONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS ORCHESTRA, PLAYING TO AND BACK FROM COMMERCIALS FOR ONE OF THE GREATS OF LATE NIGHT TELEVISION. BUT THERE'S A WHOLE MUSICAL WORLD TO THE OFF-CAMERA ANTON FIG. LEARN ALL ABOUT IT, AS NIGHT WATCHMAN PLAYS THE Q & A.
Night Watchman: How does it feel to know that you're working with the man who wrote "It's Raining Men"?
Anton: (laughs) It's cool. You could do a lot worse. It's a hit song. Whatever you have to do to get that hit song is just fine.