Ten reasons why Irish singer/songwriter Damien Rice should kick my ass.
1. Because his debut album, O (Vector Records), was released in the US on June 3rd, but I didn’t get a chance to review it until now.
2. Because I really love this album, yet I reviewed a ton of shitty music BEFORE even touching O.
3. Because I lack the creative wit and energy right now to make up some brilliant comparison, so I’ll just dip into typical reviewer references and compare him to Ben Harper.

Okay. So, a Moby album, a Groove Armada album, and a St. Germain album meet in a bar. The St. Germain album slips some GHB into the Moby and Groove Armada album’s drinks while they're powdering their noses. Then the St. Germain album convinces them to go back to “his place.” They end up having a crazy, hardcore, three-way fuckfest. Nine months later, out pops a kid.
And they name it Praful (pronounced Pra-Fool).

When I first put Melomane’s new sophomore release, Solresol (Vermillion Music), into my CD player, my good friend Latta de Saint was in the room. The first track, “Complicated Melody”, starts the disc off.
“I don’t fucking believe it,” I said.
“What?” Realtoon inquired.
“I actually got a CD I like to review. Hot!”

For those of you that don’t already know it, there is more to comic books than guys running around in spandex, flamboyant villains, and mystical super powers. Your parents, teachers, and the government (especially our current regime), however, would never want you to know it.

When the band At The Drive-In called it quits, I don't think anyone could have predicted what would have risen from its ashes. On one side of the wreckage lay Sparta, for all intents and purposes an average rock band. On the other side, The Mars Volta reared its strange head. Teasing us with the brilliant, experimental EP Tremulant. Nothing however, could have prepared us for their first full-length disc, the sonic painting De-loused in the Comatorium.

Hey there, freaks! As I am sure you are all painfully aware, most movies these days are just collections of cliches. We even have a column that exposes many of them here at the paper called Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Movies. (Yeah, I wanted to come up with a longer title, but my keyboard broke.)
Well, in this month's Freak Film, Shrunken Heads, you can see the cliches coming. Three comic book-loving kids decide to clean up their crime-infested Fifties-style neighborhood, and the cliches are stacked like firewood.

If Robert Smith of The Cure impregnated The Smiths-era Morrissey, and the resulting child was raised on a healthy diet of his daddy's music, The Cars, old school U2, and a steady stream of pre-Uncle Buck John Hughes' flicks (mainly for the soundtracks), well, that child would start a band that sounds much like Stellastarr*. (Yes, that's how they spell their name, children.)

The least funny and saddest show on television right now has to be Last Comic Standing. Anyone watched this tragedy? It's a reality show about wannabe comedians living together in a house to see what happens when people stop being funny, and start getting disturbingly whiney and absolutely unfunny. Yeah, it's like MTV's The Real World, but with anti-funny, pseudo-comedians, instead of spoiled sorority girls, muscle heads, token gays, and drunken "virginal" sluts.

Even though most tastes like chicken readers proudly can't read, I'm recommending a damn book series! Currently, I'm in the middle of experiencing the hard-boiled adventures of star writer for the popular Cleveland-based teen magazine Youth In Asia, Billy Chaka! Never heard of him? Fuck, gang. That's what I'm here for. That, and sensual ass massages.

This publication has definitely made it clear that we don't exactly like George W. Bush. The fact that we wish cancer upon him says a lot about the way we feel. But, there once was a man who wrote about George W. Bush in a way that no one else had. He didn't do it to publicly display how he personally felt about the "President"; he did it to let the entire world in on just exactly who "The Leader of the Free Nation" really is.