WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month Frank wrote to the human cloning, alien weirdos THE RAELITES.
Dear Raelian Life Forms,

THESE DAYS, A MEETING OF POLITICAL MINDS USUALLY LEADS TO ATOMIC DESOLATION. LUCKILY, THIS INTERVIEW IS A MEETING OF CREATIVE MINDS. SO CHECK YOUR NUCLEAR ARMS AT THE DOOR, CRACK OPEN A BREWSKI, AND DIG IN AS JIM MAHFOOD TAKES US DEEP INTO THE WORLD OF THE TALENTED MR. MORSE.

Dear America.com,

Hey, fans. My name is Ben Affleck.
You might recognize me from such films as 1996's Chasing Amy, 1998's Armageddon, and 2001's Good Will Hunting, which I co-wrote and starred in with my good buddy, Matt Damon. Who I am not. So please stop thinking I am him.

Once again, it is time for the good, the bad, and the Debbie.
KEVIN COSTNER FILM OF THE MILLENNIUM: BRAVEHEART - Exactly.
BEST REALIZATION THAT YOU HAVE A HORRIFIC DEFORMITY OF THE MILLENNIUM: ENRIQUE IGLESIAS - Good idea covering up that supernova black hole on your face in that Doritos commercial. Skin diseases don't exactly sell chips.
ARCHITECTURAL MARVEL OF THE MILLENNIUM: HUGH MANATEE’S HOUSE - Why hasn't this thing fallen down yet? It's unbelievable.