...WITH PASSION AND BUMS


COLUMBUS, OH - The sky above North Campus was ablaze Monday morning as rescue workers tried to extinguish the flames at a local video store. Police have apprehended suspects Rude D (42) and Lester Long (33), who claim to have set the fire so that they might keep warm.
"I told Lester four times that having a fire in a plastic trash can was not a good idea, but he just wouldn't listen," said D, in regards to the accident.
"Rude said I was a fool when I told him we should have the fire outside," said Long.

GREG RUTH GREW UP IN HOUSTON, TEXAS, AND MOVED TO NEW YORK TO ATTEND PRATT. HE STARTED OFF DOING COMICS IN THE BIG BOOK OF... SERIES PUBLISHED BY PARADOX PRESS, WITH PIECES IN ...DEATH, ...WEIRDOS, AND ...URBAN LEGENDS. IN 1998 HE STARTED ON HIS FIRST SERIES, THE HARD TO FIND "BALLPOINT PEN EPIC", SUDDEN GRAVITY, FOR CALIBER. HE HAS WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED SEVERAL STORIES FOR THE ONLINE MATRIX COMICS AND A SERIES OF HOLIDAY MURALS FOR NEW YORK'S GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

SHORT HILLS, NJ - A bitter feud that started just months ago has ended in murder. World-renowned scientist and author Stephen Hawking is being held today on $2 million bail for the alleged murder of actor Christopher Reeve.
The battle of the minds started in September when Hawking sent out a press release calling Christopher Reeve a "whiney bitch."

Let me preface this rant by stating for the record that I am not a feminist. I've never burned a bra, and I rather enjoy it when a door is opened for me. My freshman roommate was a card-carrying feminist and, quite frankly, she bugged me. I'm what you'd call a humanist. Equality, blah, blah, blah. I'd also like to say that I am a big fan of Scooby-Doo and the whole gang. My recent thoughts were an epiphany that comes with age and watching cartoons in college. Damn maturity.
Having said that, on to my rant:

JANUARY'S FUN FACT:
Feliz ano nuevo, to you and your retarded parachuting man-baby.

TRUE STORIES OF HEROES' BRAVE BATTLES
BRAVE SOUL OF JANUARY 2003: JAMES STERLING


This month we take you to a hospital just outside of New York, where James Sterling is still recovering from a traumatic experience that occurred over six years ago.
Darby: Mr. Sterling, thank you for taking time out of your day to talk with us. Can you tell us what you remember from that day, so long ago?
James: The horror! (crying)
D: I'm sorry?
J: People falling on each other-- scrambling, trying to get out.

We don’t print everything we write. I know. Can you believe it? On these next two pages we offer you four stories that have been buried for so long, we almost forgot about them. Almost. Why are we running them now? Because we love torture.
Enjoy.
- Wayne

We don’t print everything we write. I know. Can you believe it? On these next two pages we offer you four stories that have been buried for so long, we almost forgot about them. Almost. Why are we running them now? Because we love torture.
Enjoy.
- Wayne
NOTE FROM WAYNE: THIS ARTICLE ISN’T THAT OLD. I’VE ONLY BEEN HOLDING IT FOR A MONTH. AND THERE REALLY ISN’T ANY FUNNY BACKSTORY WITH IT. WE JUST DIDN’T HAVE ROOM FOR IT LAST MONTH. AND DEBBIE’S SHIT IS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO GO. HONESTLY, THOUGH, I FUCKING LOVE THIS ARTICLE.

We don’t print everything we write. I know. Can you believe it? On these next two pages we offer you four stories that have been buried for so long, we almost forgot about them. Almost. Why are we running them now? Because we love torture.
Enjoy.
- Wayne

We don’t print everything we write. I know. Can you believe it? On these next two pages we offer you four stories that have been buried for so long, we almost forgot about them. Almost. Why are we running them now? Because we love torture.
Enjoy.
- Wayne