THE BIG CREAK: College radio contenders with a healthy track record, Columbus’ own The Big Creak, gets the ladies to shake their money-makers with their newest album, Makeshift Sessions, Volume One (Sick). It’s an LP cleverly disguised as an EP, with 3 of the 10 tracks listed as “bonus material.” Sick is an amalgam of musical styles that touches on the auditory expressions of Dave Matthews Band and other top-ten friendly groups. At times, it even takes a turn down the well-travelled road paved by true funk-rock pioneers.

I studied the triangular indentation left on my finger tip, and as it began to fade, the onslaught began. The percussion thundered inside my chest while the guitars and vocals washed over my mind. Soon, I was lost. Somewhere between the layers of beautiful noise that emitted from my stereo, my grip on reality slipped, and I fell spiraling into the mystical Lateralus. 79 minutes later, I opened my eyes, pressed play, and again stepped willingly into the abyss. Tool has once again tapped the vein of primal emotion that renders your psyche raw and bleeding.

As excited as I was to find out this album was in the works, any previous anticipation pales in comparison to what I felt when I actually got to hear Gorillaz. Like the Voltron Lions, the components of this group come together to form something incredible. The auditory dreamteam is comprised of Dan “The Automator” Nakamura, Damon Albarn (Blur), Miho Hatori (Cibo Matto, Butter 08), and Del The Funky Homosapien.

If you’re unfamiliar with Guitar Wolf (the band), Guitar Wolf (the guy) and fellow bandmates Bass Wolf and Drum Wolf (I’m not kidding), you wouldn’t know that they are Japan’s answer to the Ramones. In fact, they may actually be clones. Simply put, they are rock ‘n’ roll. Despite crap like the Beatles’ Help!, the Monkees’ Head and Spice World, the movie industry is convinced that nobody can make a film like a lobotomized pop star. However, no band has ever made a film like Wild Zero either.

HIS WORK HAS BEEN FEATURED ON MAGAZINE PAGES, ROCK ALBUM COVERS AND THE WALLS OF LA LUZ DE JESUS. NEXT, FREE SPIRIT JERAL TIDWELL HEADS TO THE PUNK ROCK WALLS OF NEW YORK'S CBGB. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN'S REALTOON GETS THE WHOLE STORY.
realtoon: So how did you get started in this whole mess?
Jeral: I was born this way. (laughs)
r: And you were born in?
J: I was born in Los Angeles. My parents were rebellious teenagers running away from their parents. They decided to have a little fun, so guess what they got?
r: You?

MANDAWG: Here we have a rascally little Hyena. This fellow will keep all the baby sugar nuts away from your house. He’s a killer, alright. He’s got his shots and has a tattoo on his inner thigh that reads, “Gangsta brotha - Peace out homey - DC’s in the hizzouse” Those darn hyenas. You can always find them on the wrong side of town. He could use some homey love. He’s a great family pet and super around little children.

Last Sunday I woke with the rising sun just right in the sky. My mind swept me out the window on a perfumed breeze. In slow-motion I flew like a pajama-clad Goodyear Blimp, over the poppy-speckled meadow and toward a glowing white object in the distance. I landed softly upon it. This has been my dream since first grade: a mighty steed with a glistening coat of velvety white, under which rippling muscles pulsed. Perched on its crown was a pointed spiral horn of shiny silver. Yes, the most bedazzling creature in the universe: a unicorn. My unicorn. Her name was Pixel.

Maybe I’m the odd man out, but I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s rest. Think you share in my pain? Read the following scenarios. If any of them seem uncomfortably familiar to you, know that we’re in the same league.
Drooling: Perhaps the most harmless of all sleep disorders, drooling is also the most common. Nearly 83% of all Americans drool heavily in their sleep. Actually, they don’t. I made that up.

ON SATURDAY, JUNE 2ND, RuPAUL WILL BE WORKING HIS/HER STUFF AT THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN DINNER. MAYBE THEN OUR VERY OWN INSANE WAYNE CHINSANG CAN EXPLAIN TO HIM/HER HOW AN INTERVIEW IS SUPPOSED TO GO.
RuPaul: What city are you in?
wayne: I’m in Columbus.
R: Why are you there?
w: School brought me here with a tricky scholarship. They give you one and then you get here and realize everyone has one. It was more like a coupon than a scholarship.
R: (laughs) But otherwise you wouldn’t have an edumacation, right?
w: Exactly.