Is there a special event coming up for your family? Do you know someone that could use some cheering up? If so, Slappy is the clown for you!
Birthday Parties!


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Interventions & More!
Visit my website at: slappytheclown.com!
See you soon, kids!

Me and Nicole went out to the club on Saturday and damn it was live! Nicole called me up and was all like, “Let’s go out to Champions tonight,” and I’m all like, “No way. Let’s go to X-Stacy because it’s girl’s night and they have gallons of MGD for 25 cents,” and then she’s like, “Alright.” So we went. We got there at 1:10am because everyone knows that the really cool people are there only for the last 50 minutes before closing.

ON-SCREEN, HE'S BEEN A "CITIZEN ON PATROL," A RUDE, DRUNK CLOWN AND A '70s COKEHEAD WHO CAN'T FEEL HIS FACE. OFF-SCREEN, HE'S A DIRECTOR, A STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND ONE HELL OF A NICE GUY. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN'S "CITIZEN ON PAYROLL," DARBY O'GILL, HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHAT WITH MR. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT.
darby: What’s next for Bob Goldthwait?
Bobcat: Possibly a shower. I’m also going to Salt Lake City tomorrow, to rock the Mormons hard.
d: Who’s better: Superman or Batman?

WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote numerous letters to MARK BURNETT, EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF SURVIVOR!
Mr. Burnett,
The “Search Is Over,” and I’ve found you! The other day, one of my friends mentioned that you were the fellow who founded Survivor, so I figured I would take the opportunity to thank you. “Eye of the Tiger” is one of my all-time favorite rock songs from the 80’s! God bless you for writing it.
Jethro “Thor” Cletus

Mr. Burnett,

LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR: IF YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU WHO DENIS LEARY IS AND WHAT HE DOES, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO READ THIS.
wayne: Congrats on getting The Job picked up for next season. What can fans expect with a full season?
Denis: It’s hard to say because we haven’t written the episodes yet. I’m sure it’ll be pretty shocking and surprising. My character is based on a real guy, so I kind of already know what is going to happen because we know his real story. I don’t want to give anything away but, believe me, it’s well worth watching.

Ya know, being the ultra-buff, orange crayon-coifed leader of an elite unit like the Thundercats isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. All that running and fighting is hell on a fella’s knees. Not to mention his Crimson Mars eyeshadow. That’s why I’ve decided to branch out and try my hand at a new enterprise. Just the other day I said, “Hey, Sword of Omens. Give me sight beyond sight.” And you know what that suped-up voodoo-Ginsu knife showed me? An image of yours truly as a big ol pimp! I was amazed to see myself in control of all the hos. Then and there, I knew where my destiny lay.

TRUE STORIES OF HEROES' BRAVE BATTLES
BRAVE SOUL OF JUNE 2001: JOHN MOSS


Rain season is upon us, and with it, thunderstorms. This month our brave survivor knows a thing or two about lightning. We traveled out to Lowell, Kansas to talk with John Moss. Moss has been hit by lightning a record-breaking 56 times. He also believes it will happen again. We just hoped not during the interview.
darby: I’ve heard a lot of tales in my time, but this one is really impressive. 56 times? Ouch!
John: Tell me about it. It definitely has a downside.

NEW YORK, NY (AP) - An actual music video was spotted on MTV Friday afternoon, marking the first appearance of a music video on the network in over 15 years. The video, Shaggy’s current Top 40 radio staple, “It Wasn’t Me”, aired in its entirety ten minutes before the season-finale of the Music Television Network’s popular reality-based series, Road Rules. Executives at the network claim to have no knowledge of where the “video” came from, or how it managed to steal valuable network airtime. Lawyers for the video’s star, Shaggy, could not be reached for comment.

I warned you! I know it’s been a little over 1,968 years, but I am back and better than ever. Forget that lame-o, goodie-goodie Jesus you learned about in Bible School. No more healing of the leprosy and what have you. That is so B.C. I’m new Christ! Fun Christ! Hip Christ! My pants are big and my cell phone is blowin up. When I’m driving around the Holy Land in my Chevy Tahoe, I’m cold pimpin to ill shit like Aaron Carter and J-La. Now I know you were expecting a crusty, 2000-year-old honky, but my agent said that I gots to appease the 18-30-year-olds.

I don’t have a vagina. But if I did, I don’t think I’d feel any better about feminine hygiene commercials. From my understanding, these products are a trial and error process. Definitely not cause for a “Tampax Moment” between mother and daughter during a commercial break of Battlebots. I don’t want to be confronted with the visuals these advertisements conjure, all of them ripe with key phrases such as vaginal irritation, feminine itching, menstrual bloating, odor protection, leakage protection, heavy flow and, the grand daddy of them all, the yeast infection.