This month\'s \"Freak Films\" is Luc Besson’s (Leon AKA the Professional, La Femme Nikita) The Fifth Element, or \"Milla, why won’t you stop dating directors and love me?\" And without a doubt, it\'s one of the most fun sci-fi movies to come out in the last 10 years (that just so happens to truly capture the look of a Heavy Metal Magazine circa 1977-1981, melded with designer fashion from Jean-Paul Gaultier).

When I was in third grade (in the year 1985), there was one thing I wanted more than anything (besides a real working lightsaber)... Ghostbusters action figures. Well, it never happened. I guess some big wig somewhere thought it was a bad idea to make toys from a movie that used phrases like “I have seen shit that would turn you white,” or, “It’s true, this man has no dick.” What nerve!

I’ve liked Stephen Lynch since the first time I saw him on Comedy Central a few years back. Between that, and the frequent appearances on the Opie and Anthony show, it was enough for me to pick up his first album Little Bit Special and later the follow up Superhero”. But it always seemed like there was a little something missing from the studio versions of songs like “Lullaby”, “D&D”, and “Priest”. Well, I’ve found what it was that was missing.

Let me tell you about this new Zap Mama CD. I love it-- er, am in love with it. It took me about two weeks to realize there was an actual CD in the case, I was so enamored with the packaging. It’s the most beautifully designed packaging I’ve seen all year. Then there’s the cover, with it’s big, beautiful picture of Zap Mama visionary Marie Daulne. She is so pretty. And she’s just staring at you in the picture, hypnotizing you, making you fall in love with her.

There are 18 songs on this disc, and only two of them break the two-minute mark. Since this is a fast album with a lot of fast songs, I\'m going to try and make my review follow suit. Read the following very quickly for full effect:

LOUD! L.A.-BASED THRASH PUNK METAL! KIND OF LIKE IF SAM KINISON RAPED ANGUS YOUNG AND THEY HAD A BABY! A QUICK PUNCH IN THE FACE, FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER QUICK PUNCH IN THE FACE! (REPEAT, 16 MORE TIMES!)

This October 5th, Tom Waits\' newest album, Real Gone will begin working its chaos theory magic on the world at large. Waits has been an influential musician for over 30 years, inpsiring musicians in the folk, blues, jazz, rock, gospel, and even metal genres. With this, his most sonically dynamic record yet, I doubt the tradition will cease. The hip-hop of the opening track \"Top of the Hill\" fades into the Cuban-influenced, raucous \"Hoist That Rag\", which leads into the Delta ballad \"Sins of My Father\".

I must admit I was quite ready to not like Travis Morrison’s disc Travistan after reading some of the lyrics in the press kit. Lyrics like, “I like my nations in constant revolution / and my booty wide,” or “This song is for the orca / swimming ‘round in circles at Sea World / someday you’ll drown the dude with the clipboard.” I guess I thought he was trying to write \"serious\" songs with those lyrics.

I don’t know what I was thinking.