SOMETIMES THE TRUTH IS FUNNIER THAN ANYTHING WE CAN MAKE UP.

WHAT'S THAT SOUND IN THE DISTANCE? IT SOUNDS LIKE KICK-ASS ROCK MUSIC. BUT WAIT A MINUTE, THOSE ARE ACCORDIONS THEY'RE PLAYING, SO IT CAN'T BE. OR CAN IT? THE BAND THAT YOU HEAR PUMPING SONGS WITH TITLES LIKE "HAMSTERMAN", "CLOWNHEAD" AND "FIRST BRATWURST OF SUMMER" IS THE LEGENDARY THOSE DARN ACCORDIONS. BASED OUT OF SAN FRANCISCO, TDA HAVE BEEN TURNING IT UP TO 11 FOR OVER TEN YEARS WITH THEIR UNIQUE STYLE OF MUSIC AND PERFORMANCE.

Leelee Sobieski,

I have to be honest, sweetheart. When we first met I didn't think much of it. I was lonely, and longed for a companion to share my life with. Then you came along and we just clicked. Everything became perfect, almost overnight. You taught me all about constellations and Thai food. I introduced you to blues music and Nietzsche. We went everywhere together. We were inseparable. Our weekend road trips; our Sunday lunches at the corner deli; our Tuesday horror movie nights. All of these things have molded us into what we are as a couple.

Baby-girl, now that we've made it past your obligatory five-month period of sex-free-dating, I have to admit, my pee-pee is so very stoked. Like a starving Somalian who finally gets that visit from Sally Struthers, my man just can't wait to fall head over heels into the warm, plush arms of your gluttonous offering. I swear! It's as if we're both 16 again, and I can't help but follow his lead.

MAYBE YOU SEE GRAFFITI AS NOTHING MORE THAN DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY. MAYBE YOU DON'T CONSIDER IT AN ART FORM. MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT IT. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN'S CÉSAR AND VINNIE BAGGADONUTS INTERVIEWED ONE OF GRAFFITI'S MORE ANOMALOUS ANONYMOUS, COUP, TO DIG BEYOND THE SPRAY-CAN STEREOTYPES.
césar: I was reading some stuff in the Columbus Dispatch, and this guy was talking about how the city is upping their efforts to combat graffiti, three times as much as last year.

WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the people at the ROBOCUT VACUUM HAIRCUTTER - better than the Flowbee!
Dear RoboCutters,

THINK REALITY-BASED PROGRAMMING, CELEBRITY GOSSIP AND POP MUSIC AREN'T INTERESTING? THINK AGAIN. DARBY O'GILL MANAGED TO GET COMEDIENNE KATHY GRIFFIN'S PERSPECTIVE.
darby: What’s next for Kathy Griffin?

TRUE STORIES OF HEROES' BRAVE BATTLES
BRAVE SOUL OF NOVEMBER 2001: CAP'N BOOTY


This month we talk with our very own cap'n booty about a Thanksgiving he'll never forget.
darby: I must say I was surprised to hear you had a feat to share with us.
cap’n: I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. I need to tell my story.
d: By all means, cap’n.