Emmanuel Lewis was found yesterday after being lost in a couch cushion on the Webster set since 1987.

WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month Frank wrote to the teeth cleaners at RAPID WHITE.
Dear Rapid Whiteners,

RICHARD GREENTREE OF THE BETA BAND KNOWS A THING OR TWO ABOUT:
- RELIGIOUS FANATICS
- THE EXPERIMENT THAT IS "AMERICA"
- REDNECK BUMPER STICKERS
- MOON LANDING CONSPIRACIES
- DOG LIPS
OH YEAH. HE ALSO KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT MAKING MUSIC. AND HE SHARED ALL OF HIS KNOWLEDGE WITH INSANE WAYNE CHINSANG AND FPHATTY LAMAR.
Wayne: You guys are right in the middle of an extensive North American tour. How have things been going?
Richard: Things are going well so far.
W: Has touring been pretty crazy?

This month I got to sit down with comedian Lewis Black.
Darby: What's next for Lewis Black?
Lewis: More shit. That's it. Just more shit.
D: Do votes really count?
L: In your head. The good thing about voting is, it makes you feel more ineffectual on that day, than you do on any other day. So the nice thing is that when you do it, every other day you can say, "At least I didn't have to vote today."
D: Black Sabbath or Clint Black?
L: Black Sabbath, by default.
D: Coke or Pepsi?

Hey gang! "Lowercase" here. That's my new nickname. You likey? Me, too. Sometimes, when Colin, Dick Gephardt and I are "chilling" in the "Ovie" (that’s what I call the Oval Office when I'm "chilling"), we pretend we're rappers. That's where the nickname came from.
Anyhey, I'm not here to "bust the ill na na" on you. I'm here to talk about the current dealie-yo in the Middle East, and where we as a nation stand on the matter.

The US Consumer Product Safety Board announced Monday that it was recalling a number of cribs. Among the list was the Sleepy-Suzy Crib Model #45K-LP, the Nighty-Nite Crib Model 14B6H, and Snoop Dogg’s California mansion.

Rome, OH - Ernest Wertwiller, a longtime champion of loners and vagabonds, passed away yesterday. He was 74.
It is reported that he was tragically strangled when a device he was working on (a machine that simulates hugging) went haywire.
A self-proclaimed "melancholy scientist, as I never really get that mad," Wertwiller spent his life working for equal rights for the lonely. He was never able to pass any legislation, but he did accumulate an indifferent underground following on the east coast.

COLUMBUS, OH - In an effort to bring more citizens downtown, Mayor Coleman has decided to close all exits and streets out of downtown on June 17th at 4:00PM. He will reopen streets on June 18th at 4:00PM.

For years, the mystery of Bigfoot (also known as Sasquatch) has plagued mankind. Until now. In this exclusive story, we uncover the truth behind Bigfoot! There have been Bigfoot sightings reported as far back as 1967, and as recent as yesterday. But there was a period in the late ‘80s were there were no sightings. It was this fact that brought it to our attention that Richard Grieco is, in fact, Bigfoot! Look at the facts: In 1987 Grieco starred on the hit television show 21 Jump Street. At that same time, Bigfoot sightings stopped! Coincidence? I think not!