Hello, cool people. My name is Armani Gabana Shemanski, and I'm taking over Hot-Town!!! for my mommy this month. It's a good thing I am, because she's got one of her headaches this afternoon. This happens every Monday. I hope she gets better. Maybe she'll even remember what she did last night. I can't write about any clubs because I’m only seven, but I can tell you all about my day at school.

My daddy is the best daddy in the entire world. He loves me so much and he says that he's never going to let them take me away from him. I don't know who he's talking about when he says that. Maybe it's the men in suits with walkie-talkies, like in E.T.. I love my daddy so much that I decided to draw a picture of him and me. I colored the picture so that it looks really pretty, but you can't see the colors because this newspaper is in black and white because it's stupid. My daddy says that he is only going to draw pictures for them until he gets a real job.

SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY, "HALLOWEEN IS THE BEST!" AND JILL THOMPSON WILL TELL YOU THAT'S TRUE.
APRIL MAY JUNE MARIE GAVE HER A CALL AND WROTE THEIR WHOLE TALK DOWN FOR YOU.
THEY SPOKE OF ALASKA AND NIECES AND TOYS AND COOKIES BAKED DUE TO THE SNOW.
SO OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS, TO SCARY GODMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO.
april may june marie: Who are you?
Jill: I’m Jill Thompson. I’m a cartoonist and a book illustrator. I live in Chicago, and I’m older than you.
a: Who’s in your family?

I always get in trouble when I pick my nose. I still do it though. I like to do it. A lot. At school we all pick our boogers. We do it on the playground. We get a big glob of boogers out and then we flip them at each other. It is a booger war. Sometimes I win the booger war, but sometimes I don\'t. Mrs. Underwood (she\'s our teacher, but we call her Mrs. Underwear) says that boys that pick there noses are snotty, but I don\'t care. Really, I don\'t. I don\'t even care when she makes me sit in the corner cause I won\'t quit picking my boogers.

I have a theory. My theory is about babies and where they really come from. I know what you're thinking: "Everybody knows that babies come from the stork." Well, that's a total lie. When I turned nine, my health teacher told my whole class that babies come from when a man and a woman have too much fun at a bar, then go home and rub each other's backs without any "protection." That's a lot closer to the truth, but it's still a little off. No, my theory is definitely the whole truth. I was sitting in front of the television when it hit me. "I know where babies come from!" I screamed.

MAY'S FUN FACT:
Ever notice how whenever you go to Canada, the Mounties are always standing around petting ponies?
That's kinda weird.

[THIS JOKE REALLY ONLY WORKS IN PRINT. SORRY.]

A LOT OF KIDS CAN'T WAIT TO STOP PLAYING WITH TOYS AND START BEING SERIOUS ADULTS. THIS MONTH'S UNTAPPED TALENT IS NOT ONE OF THOSE KIDS. BREAK OUT THE MENTAL PLAY-DOH AS OUR LITTLE HOAGIE TALKS ART, ACTION FIGURES, AND IMAGINATION WITH ADAM BROUILLETTE.
Adam places a small Iron Giant figure on the ground between himself and hoagie, saying that it’s his friend and confidence builder.
hoagie: I can’t believe you brought The Iron Giant. That’s pretty sweet.
Adam: Well, you have to have confidence.