The brown squares in the carpet fell silently away and the cool numbness crept up Levan’s arms, grabbing hungrily at his face and neck. Levan stared hard at the carpet and wondered how he would get to the bathroom without falling into the new voids.
“Where will I go if I fall down there?” he thought. “I’ll have to hold it awhile and maybe I can get to the toilet after the holes go away.”
Levan slumped back into the recliner and reached for the lamp switch. Just as he was about to switch it off, a voice resonated through his head.

Let’s pretend I opened a box of Cracker Jack and won the job of God. My first act as ruler of the universe would be to get the best night’s sleep ever. The next day, I’d make a few small changes. First, re-route over half of the Earth’s population to an M-class planet directly opposite the sun. Provide vegetation and caves for shelter, and keep the predators to a manageable size. Ship all fat cat politicians, war mongers, big business puppet lawyers, CEOs, Wall Street tycoons and ad executives over there. It has 10% less land than this planet, so they’ll have to use it wisely.

I work as an administrative assistant at a computer software company in California. It's a very successful and wealthy corporate place, to say the least. I had a lot of stuff to finish before I headed home one night. After closing, the nightly office cleaners come in and begin their day of work. It’s not a shock in the county that I live in that the cleaners are Mexican. This county is the furthest thing from diverse. It is very segregated. The workers are from the poor part of town that everyone else fears-- not because there’s a lot of crime.

Something occurred to me the other day as I rolled into the drive-thru of the local McDonald’s. Is McDonald’s an intricate cover for a sinister alien agenda? Was Ray Kroc a pawn for an evil alien race that plots our very destruction? Or is he the head extra-terrestrial in charge? I not only think so, I know so. These covert cocksuckers plan not only to fatten us for the slaughter, but drive us insane as well. The evidence is obvious. Why the fuck would anyone need a half gallon of cola? What happened to medium size? Ask for a small drink and you get a Dixie cup.

[1] FRANK
That damn freak who lived on the other side of the fence with his reindeer sweaters and the coffee mug finally met his maker the other day.

The Angel of Death himself, Marilyn Manson, is on tour again, and I had the honor of being invited to his latest show. I was a little hesitant at first, but was looking forward to seeing the showmanship of Marilyn’s stage act. His music videos are always a nice look into the mind of a goth kid, but I never thought it could be reproduced on stage. The show was great! It boggles the mind that Marilyn Manson, a.k.a "The Prince of Darkness", eats at McDonald’s and shops at Bath & Body Works, yet somehow maintains his evil exterior. He’s like Dr. Evil, really being evil.

Traffic is about drug trafficking in America, and how it eats away at the very core of our nation. Steven Soderbergh, director of such films as Out of Sight, Sex Lies & Videotape and Erin Brockovich, lends his unique film style to Stephen Gaghan’s amazing script. This film, like most Soderbergh films, has an all-star cast, including Don Cheadle, Benicio Del Toro, Michael Douglas, Luis Guzman, Dennis Quaid and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Traffic was filmed on location in Washington, D.C., New Mexico and Cincinnati.

Cash money beats and hip-hop pop stars abound as DJ Big Reg takes booty bass jiggyness to a whole new level. Reg wields his 12-gauge turntables through 22 tracks of a lyrical bisque, stopping only to remind us that it's him in the chef's hat. Get your script flipped with the mass assortment of mainstream artists that appear on this album. "Thug It Out" with M.O.P.. Get your tower buzzed by the "Queen Bee" herself, Lil’ Kim. Wish upon a star with Jay-Z, and "Rock Dat Shit" with Prodigy (no, not the techno group).

Last month I was drooling to pick up the newest and most imaginative game on the market: American McGee’s Alice. A twisted tale of Wonderland told long after Alice’s first encounter with the surreal world. The twist is that this time Alice is called upon to stop the Queen of Hearts, whose tyrannical reign has swept the land, causing its inhabitants to become more scared than ever. All the original characters from the book return to play more twisted roles than before.