Get this through your head: no matter what path you choose in life or what decisions you might make, nothing you do is ever going to be good enough or prepare you for this kind of hell. Are we clear on this? When, and I do mean when, you hesitate in the slightest to fully defend what is rightfully your space, you will have lost the war, friend. Give an inch and they will try to take that mile. Give them a thread and they will knot it just so, toss one end over a high branch, and yank your silly ass right off your horse.

My mom called me about a year ago to tell me that she was moving out of the house I had grown up in. I got so angry with her. I shouldn’t have, since I had packed up all of my belongings and moved out to California the year before. But I couldn’t understand why she would move. The duplex on Bolivar Avenue in Milwaukee was supposed to be my home to go back to. All I could think about was going back home to visit during the year and it not feeling the same. I remember all the late Christmas Eve nights when my brother Justin and I would get home from Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a filmmaker was stirring not even,.. Ron Howard?!? Ron Howard’s The Grinch, to be exact. And that’s the way you need to think of it: Ron Howard’s Grinch; not Dr. Seuss’. As movies go, The Grinch is a fun family film. It’s amazing to see the book come to life on the big screen. The make-up effects of Rick Baker are so realistic, they’re mind-blowing. You might remember Rick Baker from his earlier work on An American Werewolf in London. And yes, Clint Howard is a sexy Who bitch in this film, too!

Haunted is Poe’s second full-length release since the 1995 hit Hello, which introduced the mainstream to Poe’s world of twisted romance and dreamlike lyrics. The first few seconds of Haunted is all you need to hear to know you are in for an album with a story behind it. The first track, “Exploration B”, is a phone call from Poe to her mother, informing her about the death of her father in a melodic tone of voice. From there it moves to the title track, “Haunted”, which automatically gives you a sense of the style and sophistication that has blossomed since Hello.

ONCE WE KNOW ONE, WE THINK THAT WE KNOW TWO, BECAUSE ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS TWO. WE FORGET THAT WE MUST FIRST KNOW WHAT PLUS IS.

Not since Dean Martin’s Making Spirits Bright has there been a Christmas album as cool and classy as the Mighty Blue Kings’ The Christmas Album. The Chicago jump/swing ensemble belt out eleven traditional and original holiday tunes.

This band and another famed Columbus band, Pretty Mighty Mighty, should hook up and go on tour. Both bands represent a population of kids from the Buckeye State who don’t like to watch football and drink beer. When the very first track (“It’s a Message”) on Again Cast In began playing, I thought for sure that I’d accidentally put in my latest Built To Spill record. But I hadn’t. Then the second track began playing and I surely thought I’d put on my Belle and Sebastian record. Nope. Wrong again.

Hope you kids like metal. Heavy, loud, white-hot-steel-pole-up-your-ass metal. Mean-ass-growl-makin’-children-cry-lead-vocals kind of metal. ‘Cause that’s what you get when you put Psycho Scenario in your stereo. Psycho Scenario is a five man metal militia with a knack for playing it thick and heavy. Imagine the tally-ho forward speed of earliest Metallica, with a pinch of the ghoulish Misfits/Iron Maiden charm, but angrier. Heavy enough to kick the snot out of faux-metal fruitboots like Orgy, and almost possessing the cool, careless abandon of Lemmy Kilmster and his Motorheads.

The Bloodhound Gang is known for their satirical look at life. I had the chance to see these satirists’ most recent performance at the Newport Music Hall, and I must say I was not disappointed. A humongous banner with the name Metallica crossed out and Bloodhound Gang written over it hung behind the band. The heavy bass beat of a drum played while they took the stage. I squeezed up to the stage to witness the first audience participation event. It was so hilarious it made me almost short my optic circuits.

FORGET THOSE FOO-FOO PRETTY-BOY HOLLYWOOD FILM STARS. YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH MILLION-DOLLAR SALARIES AND TEN-CENT ABILITIES. THEY CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO THIS MAN, BLUE-COLLAR HOLLYWOOD'S HARDEST WORKING HERO. HE'S THE LEGENDARY BRUCE CAMPBELL, AND HE GENEROUSLY ANSWERED THE QUESTIONS OF TASTES LIKE CHICKEN'S FRANK PUTZERELLI. READ ON, MY CHILDREN.
frank: First, I wanted to say how impressed I am with your involvement with your website, and your commitment to your fans. Aren't Hollywood bigwigs supposed to be jerk-offs who scoff at the adoring masses?